What you and I have been through
They say you learn something new every day. Now, I’m not sure who ‘they’ really is. For all practical purposes they could be the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world, and we’re gonna go with that. So…in counting the big black and blue X’s adorning my calendar, I have been in the ninth ring of Japan for 349 days. That’s 349 new pearls of wisdom, 349 reasons I should be more intelligent than when I started…
*Disclaimer: none are necessarily true, most are biased, politically incorrect, bullshit…Japan is fallible.
1. Shanghai is the syphilitic whore of the orient
2. Otskara sama desu is the Japanese catch-all phrase…much like ‘Prego’ and ‘vale’ 1001 uses….really
3. Croatia does not exist, it is a figment of my imagination. All those natives…made up, one big conspiracy theory
4. An unnamed Japanese source who sits very close to me believes the Chinese walk like monkeys…and we wonder why hostility exists. I was under the impression we all derived from the same species, so...
5. The sun is red
6. Killing and eating whales is no different than eating beef (I'm not sure I buy that)
7. The average desk chair travels 8 miles a year
8. Jared, that annoying Subway spokesman, would make a great Presidential write-in
9. I am terribly underrepresented within the realm of the Google search
10. If you interrupt terrible grammar and orthographic mistakes with sexual diseases, no one will notice your shortcomings
11. Los del Rio ‘sang’ the Macarena…this is why capital punishment still exists
12. The word ‘hotness’ is not utilized enough in the English language
13. No one can definitively tell me whether Russia fits within the realm of Asia or Europe
14. Same note. Central America - Is that technically North America or South?
15. Toyotomi Hideyoshi built Osaka Castle in 1583 - and I didn’t even have to look that up.
16. Children’s games can go awry very quickly
17. The quack of a duck doesn't echo because...
18. National Geographic claims there are 220 countries in the world, whereas the U.S. officially recognizes 196 countries. This proves NG can't count.
19. Finding watered-down porn in your email inbox doesn't make your day...oddly
20. Hello Kitty will one day rule the world...and my pink-fearing self cowers in terror
*Disclaimer: none are necessarily true, most are biased, politically incorrect, bullshit…Japan is fallible.
1. Shanghai is the syphilitic whore of the orient
2. Otskara sama desu is the Japanese catch-all phrase…much like ‘Prego’ and ‘vale’ 1001 uses….really
3. Croatia does not exist, it is a figment of my imagination. All those natives…made up, one big conspiracy theory
4. An unnamed Japanese source who sits very close to me believes the Chinese walk like monkeys…and we wonder why hostility exists. I was under the impression we all derived from the same species, so...
5. The sun is red
6. Killing and eating whales is no different than eating beef (I'm not sure I buy that)
7. The average desk chair travels 8 miles a year
8. Jared, that annoying Subway spokesman, would make a great Presidential write-in
9. I am terribly underrepresented within the realm of the Google search
10. If you interrupt terrible grammar and orthographic mistakes with sexual diseases, no one will notice your shortcomings
11. Los del Rio ‘sang’ the Macarena…this is why capital punishment still exists
12. The word ‘hotness’ is not utilized enough in the English language
13. No one can definitively tell me whether Russia fits within the realm of Asia or Europe
14. Same note. Central America - Is that technically North America or South?
15. Toyotomi Hideyoshi built Osaka Castle in 1583 - and I didn’t even have to look that up.
16. Children’s games can go awry very quickly
17. The quack of a duck doesn't echo because...
18. National Geographic claims there are 220 countries in the world, whereas the U.S. officially recognizes 196 countries. This proves NG can't count.
19. Finding watered-down porn in your email inbox doesn't make your day...oddly
20. Hello Kitty will one day rule the world...and my pink-fearing self cowers in terror
And that is nowhere near 349, I'm sparing you.
If you've made it this far, note that I'm off for a few days in Tokyo before heading home. The next time I post I'll be stateside, jet-lagged, drowning in Dr. Pepper and, hopefully, toasted...though not on Dr. Pepper.
posted by Chishiki Lauren at 11:33 PM
6 Comments:
i've learned at least one thing while following this blog while you've been in japan. i've learned that i'm going to seriously miss reading all your interesting stories and opinions. make sure you keep them up when you're back in kentucky, okay?
The Sun is Red? Dang, that's why my superpowers aren't working.
I'm happy you are home in Lexington, even if you may not yet be entirely thrilled. What a year you've had! I only hope your future experiences will live up to you what you've already encountered.
I hope you have begun filling your craving of Steak n' Shake, day-old root beer (plus whatever precedes that occurance), Dr. Pepper, caucasians, cars, new Family Guy episodes...
Are you back in the states for good or is this just a trip back for a while?
@Bruce: Back for good.
Well, for now. Not sure what I'm doing next, and it won't necessarily be in the states, but for the moment Kentucky is my home.
Gag reflex.
To answer your question: The Ural Mountains in Russia are considered the border between Europe and Asia, so Russia lies in both.
BABABOEY BABABOEY HOWARD STERN'S PENIS BABABOEY!
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