You, with your beadly little cement eyes

5:45 am. I had a dream about applejuice. I woke up to the sound of gunshots. And for the record, applejuice and gunshots, not the ideal way to be jostled from sleep. Someone calls the police. The whole family, clad in pajamas, heads outside...because the first thing you should always do when shots are fired is head outside to see what's going on. Intelligence factor ZERO. No one was hurt, unless you consider a cement yard cherub a someone, which for all practical purposes I do not. The real loser, however, was my car. My pretty, economical, dark green Hyundai. That baby's dead. Apparently someone is not a Phish fan. Nor are they fans of cement yard cherubs, now decapitated...but I can't say I blame them for that one.

Services are pending an insurance investigation.

I'll say 'never' as often as I like

May I never forgive my "soul mate" for shooting me in the groin, treating me with home remedies and holding me hostage.

May I never read tabloid magazines.

May I never carry on a conversation with an AIM Bot, join a dating site or attend mass on television.

May I never watch a soap opera and never miss an opportunity to criticize those that do.

May I never deny the love for executive transvestites.

May I never listen to Kenny G or John Tesh.

May I never date a conservative....at least not again.

May I never stop wearing argyle socks, ballet flats and sweaters too long for me.

May I never lose the desire to create, regardless of the form.

May I never rely upon a budget, welfare or the death of relatives.

I drink V8 from the carton. A corner of my living room is draped in aluminum foil...still. I've been listening to Arabic Pop...and it needs to stop. I vacuum at least three times a week but I rarely take the time to make my bed. I have class in an abandoned tobacco warehouse. I'm always thinking about my next photograph. My dog has a jacket that makes her look like Marilyn Monroe on her wedding day. I have too many bad days. I want out of the US...again. I'm afraid to donate blood. I get weak just typing that. I burn far too much incense for one person. I still think having a prairie dog as a pet is pretty fucked up. I miss giving tours of the Capitol Building and riding the Senate metro. I have no plans for tomorrow. None! I'm awaiting my wealthy benefactor. I get discouraged when the art students wear normal clothes. No one takes chances anymore. I want to take a chance. I wore a diamond tiara to the horse races...but that doesn't really count. I scribble notes relentlessly, especially in the margins of poli-sci textbooks, mostly bitter and polysyllabic. I'm still unemployed, and it's pissing me off. I think I'm qualified to take mugshots at the county jail...somebody's got to do it, and I'm willing.

Silly girls...

...Halloween isn't an excuse to wear fishnets.

You don't need an excuse.

Wear them everyday. With Converse, with heels, with winter coats and scarves, with vintage concert tees...with anything other than rhinestone hot pants!