High Fidelity style

Top 5 Hangovers of All Time

1. Cadiz, Spain: 72 hour hangover after a night of Carnavale binge drinking, varied illegal substances…which I purchased on the steps of a national cathedral (irony) and stealing hats off the heads of passersby. Largely provides the rationale behind my restraining order on rum and coke. Snuck onto a train for the ride back to Sevilla, managed to get sick all over the guy next to me, who was quickly replaced by another ignorant passenger…whom Brandon managed to tarnish as well. Ah…always smart sitting two alcoholics across from one another. Returned to my room only to get smacked by my senora, aka Hitler, and find her son traipsing about the apartment in women’s underwear. I’m pretty sure that all happened. Hamilton can back me up here.

2. 22nd birthday, Indy: Travis thought it’d be a good idea to force a keg down my throat, and I didn’t seem to mind. Same night I fell down a flight of stairs (pre-inebriation, I should add), offended a Norwegian exchange student and spent a good hour raving about Ken Kesey to Lyndsey, who, to this day, is probably frightened of the consequences One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest will have upon her sanity.

3. Shot for shot with Matt, DC: Matt wanted me to talk, which requires copious amounts of alcohol apparently. When the vodka ran low he switched to water, and I continued to finish the bottle, because I’m an alcoholic. I have this theory that people like to get me drunk so I’ll tell all kinds of incriminating stories I’d never dare release sober. That was the night I likened Laura to Conan the Barbarian. But she’s not. Laura, you can drink out of the faucet anytime…you’re not a Neanderthal…at least, not completely.

4. Hall and Oates, Vegas: The night of free alcohol, provided by the drummer of Hall and Oates. A jerk, if I might add. I don’t remember most of it, other than toppling over in the middle of the casino, flirting with a man at least three times my age, and wondering how in the hell this guy still had any claim to fame left in him. Should you ever find yourself in a similar situation, do not, and I repeat, DO NOT, divulge to your friends (while, invariably, in another drunken state) any details of said night, for they will find it humorous to publicize your antics with ridiculous amounts of Hall and Oates lyrics in magnetic poetry across the fridge…which your parents will read. Thank you, Rob.

5. Tie. 5a. Valentine’s Dance, Dayton, OH: If I may say so myself, I make one damn fine drunken date. Arrogant, obnoxious, klutzy. Stellar. No other words to describe it. Although, I can build my own beer-a-mid, and for that I know you are envious. Again, I managed to fall down, breaking my heels and ripping a large hole in my knee cap…that was nice to wake up to. Several drunk dials were made. To whom, I can’t recall. I spent most of the night blacked out…but still able to drink. Liz, if you ever need a date again, maybe you’ll think twice before you ask me.

5b. Vodka and red wine time, Lex, KY: Friends shouldn’t let friends drink from a bottle of vodka. Especially after they’ve finished a bottle of red wine, that is, after returning from Marika’s. Yeah….thanks, guys. That was fun. I’m convinced that left to my own devices, I would most certainly drink myself into the stages of alcohol poisoning, and succumb to a disorderly death. Fortunately I did not die. But I did wake up utterly sick two hours later, managed to drive myself to work and put in a good six hours of bitching, before succumbing to the hangover of the century, and food poisoning. A trip to the doctor was in order. A bottle of Excedrin was downed in the span of 24 hours, and my mother’s brand new carpet was ruined. She will never forgive me.