Top ten reasons...
...why I love my iPod:
10. It doesn’t talk back when I slap it upside the face and call it a dog-faced, dasypygal, two-bit crack whore. And that makes me its pimp.
9. It holds a fuckload of music. For all practical purposes, a fuckload equals roughly, 15 days. That’s over two weeks. Two weeks of my auditory life, on something small enough to fit in my hand…and that proves technology will ultimately render humanity obsolete.
8. Because it knows I like it when it switches from Marvin Gaye to AC/DC to Billie Holiday.
7. It doesn’t slap me upside the face and call me a two-bit crack whore when I put Groove Armada’s ‘Purple Haze’ on repeat for hours on end…and it fears the day it will. But really, can you blame me? That and Rusted Root. Or maybe I’m just fiending. Holy crap, did I just say that? No Buddha brownies in Nihon people…that’s a one way ticket to decapitation (Tangent: My dad freaked when he found out I was hitting up a Rusted Root concert three years back, claimed there might be “illegal substances.” This, from a man who let me attend my first concert, Bush, at the ripe age of twelve, alone save two friends, and some creep pulling hash outta his crotch. Power of denial.)
6. It takes a coffee licking and keeps on ticking.
5. The i is lowercase. That’s universal advertising my friend. It’s claiming that any ignorant, non-identifiable fuckwit can conform to the masses, even if not worthy. You don’t have to be important to dole out cash, you’ve gotta be as lowercase as they come...preferably balding, unoriginal and using your 2.5 kids as collateral for the third mortgage on your Midwestern ranch house spattered with inflatable pink flamingo yard decorations.
4. Because it makes me feel that I, too, can conform to the masses, that I belong to some realm other than the one, or two, I’ve created for myself, when we all know, I belong nowhere (aka Eastern State)…or else stranded on a desert island…with Rivers Cuomo.
3. Because if I were stranded on that desert island with Rivers Cuomo I’d inevitably grow tired of his Harvard drop-out, emo geek, cardigan-wearing, silent genius sorry ass and wish I’d brought my ipod instead.
2. Because it drowns out the little kids yelling at me…and the indecipherable adults staring at me…and the uber-pervert Big Titsu attempting to grope me.
1. Because it drowns out the voices in my head.
10. It doesn’t talk back when I slap it upside the face and call it a dog-faced, dasypygal, two-bit crack whore. And that makes me its pimp.
9. It holds a fuckload of music. For all practical purposes, a fuckload equals roughly, 15 days. That’s over two weeks. Two weeks of my auditory life, on something small enough to fit in my hand…and that proves technology will ultimately render humanity obsolete.
8. Because it knows I like it when it switches from Marvin Gaye to AC/DC to Billie Holiday.
7. It doesn’t slap me upside the face and call me a two-bit crack whore when I put Groove Armada’s ‘Purple Haze’ on repeat for hours on end…and it fears the day it will. But really, can you blame me? That and Rusted Root. Or maybe I’m just fiending. Holy crap, did I just say that? No Buddha brownies in Nihon people…that’s a one way ticket to decapitation (Tangent: My dad freaked when he found out I was hitting up a Rusted Root concert three years back, claimed there might be “illegal substances.” This, from a man who let me attend my first concert, Bush, at the ripe age of twelve, alone save two friends, and some creep pulling hash outta his crotch. Power of denial.)
6. It takes a coffee licking and keeps on ticking.
5. The i is lowercase. That’s universal advertising my friend. It’s claiming that any ignorant, non-identifiable fuckwit can conform to the masses, even if not worthy. You don’t have to be important to dole out cash, you’ve gotta be as lowercase as they come...preferably balding, unoriginal and using your 2.5 kids as collateral for the third mortgage on your Midwestern ranch house spattered with inflatable pink flamingo yard decorations.
4. Because it makes me feel that I, too, can conform to the masses, that I belong to some realm other than the one, or two, I’ve created for myself, when we all know, I belong nowhere (aka Eastern State)…or else stranded on a desert island…with Rivers Cuomo.
3. Because if I were stranded on that desert island with Rivers Cuomo I’d inevitably grow tired of his Harvard drop-out, emo geek, cardigan-wearing, silent genius sorry ass and wish I’d brought my ipod instead.
2. Because it drowns out the little kids yelling at me…and the indecipherable adults staring at me…and the uber-pervert Big Titsu attempting to grope me.
1. Because it drowns out the voices in my head.
posted by Chishiki Lauren at 7:00 PM
4 Comments:
Hello-ee, stumbled across your site from flickr (emma b).
Glorious and worthy reasons for loving your i-pod, but two weeks' music is not enough! I couldn't live without my entire collection available to me at all times through my chunky 30gb creative zen (even if I do play the same three tracks on repeat for hours on end).
(See you're reading Unbearable Lightness - stick with it, Kundera's a good 'un.)
or rather Laughter and Forgetting. In that case, what I should have said is read The Unbearable Lightness of Being instead if you haven't already. Identity is quite good too.
damn! these are the best reasons i've ever heard! excellent.
i might link it!?
Glad someone enjoyed it. Link away my newfound friend...link away.
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