Narcissists and kleptos
The most common thefts in Japan are that of umbrellas and bikes. America: identity theft. Nine million stupid fucks alone last year. Considering the population is somewhere around 295,574,997, I’ve got to say, what the fuck?!?!? Americans, what ARE you doing? Clearly the importance of self-esteem education is making itself prominent. You’re so dissatisfied with your measly existence that you’re discouraged enough to steal someone else’s identity. And the lame ones at that. The middle aged, grandpa-sweater-wearing, 900 number frequenters living with their mothers and collecting vintage Fonzie photos. I do, however, applaud the sick bastard ballsy enough to steal Paris Hilton’s personal info. Knock her down a peg or two…but I’d be more impressed if someone just plain knocked her out. Go for the gold. At least I’m stupid/narcissistic enough to steal my own identity, or so MasterCard tells me. And that’s no crime, I don’t think.
So, that’s one more thing I enjoy about Japan. Added to the fact that I can say fuck as loud as I want, whenever I want. I’ll do it right now. Fuck. No, maybe a little louder. The principal didn’t hear me. FUCK!!!! And that I’ll NEVER have to worry about losing my job and being deported for the pitiful existence and content of this blog. Well, being deported, maybe. Incarceration is more likely…even more so after the stolen passport story…or did I mention that? But then again, I stole my own damn passport. Another social truth revealed; narcissism and kleptomania go hand in hand. I admit it, I’m a klepto. And I’m narcissistic. Sad though that I’m the only person envious enough of me to steal my own shit. Nobody really wants to be me. At least I love me, that is, when my ego doesn’t get in the way.
posted by Chishiki Lauren at 8:03 PM
3 Comments:
as long as lauren doesn't become violent with lauren. because then an asylum would no longer be a shelter, but rather, "An institution for the care of people, especially individuals with physical or mental impairments, who require organized supervision or assistance."
Don't worry, I would come and bring you family guy tapes.
Lois: I guarantee you a man made that commercial.
Peter: Of course a man made it. It's a commercial Lois, not a delicious thanksgiving dinner.
Dennis Miller: I don't wanna go on a RANT here but America's foreign policy makes about as much sense as Beowolf having sex with Robert Fulton at the first Battle of Antetum. I mean when a neo-conservative defenstrates it's like Raskalnakov filibuster dioxymonohydrostinate.
Peter: What the hell does RANT mean?
and finally -
Lois: You're drunk again.
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking.
It's nice to have job security, and to be able to yell FUCK at work. I might try that tommorow. As for identity theft, as much as they'd like you to think otherwise, a lot of it comes from piss poor security and corrupt insiders at institutions that harbor our private information. See ChoicePoint and Bank of America . This is not to diminish the effects of sweatshirt-wearing-frito-stained-finger-mountain-
dew-drinking-couldn't-get-laid-in-a-whorehouse nerds that rip off your credit card, surf over to alienware.com and grab the latest gaming system.
Well my job encourages swearing, but if you had to hold the tail of a bull calf as someone else castrates him, well, really, the bull would be swearing.
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