"Genius is no more than childhood recaptured at will."--Frank L. Wright

I bite my thumbnail when I’m nervous. I’ve had three speeding tickets in the span of seven years. The concept of lunch meat freaks me out. I desperately want to name someone, or something, Holden. I have a reason to smile everyday. My brother and I once named our pet turtle Michelangelo, after the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle of the same name. I sleep with a teddy bear named Beethoven. I almost prefer stories without resolutions, that leave you hanging at the most pivotal of moments, searching the following pages for some hidden ending. I don’t hold pencils correctly, or type correctly, or do just about anything correctly. I accidentally met four of the five members of N’sync and inadvertently belittled them. I love Sharpees. I think Rusted Root is fucking trippy. I used to have a crush on my religion professor. I know all the words to the unabridged version of Rapper’s Delight. I’ve seen Rent at least five times. I tutored Kurt Vonnegut’s granddaughter for three months, and now I can’t even remember her name. I read my first novel aloud to my dad at age seven. I wish I were a Tenenbaum. I probably couldn’t carry a tune with the use of a bucket. I can still buy kids shoes. I watched the 2003 World Soccer Cup Championship game with a fuckload of Scottish crazies. My favorite alcoholic drinks don’t exist in the states. I don’t know a single constellation. I don’t want to be alone. Sometimes I fear I wear too much black. I am prone to accidents, fires and sexual deviants. I accidentally took Ritalin without knowing once and didn’t speak for hours. In my free time I test my mental acuity with MENSA flashcards. A professor once asked me to marry him…I hope he was joking. I hate sleeping in socks, but make exceptions for argyle. I prefer sunrises to sunsets. I take twice the recommended dosage of Advil for headaches. I could use a permanent caretaker. I’m beginning to think I should use this as my personal statement…seems much more…personal. Canary diamonds are the only diamonds I can stand. I intend to one day purchase a baby grand piano, and then relearn all the classical music I’ve long since forgotten. I don’t miss my parents…does that make me a terrible person? Finally, and most importantly, I’m getting a tattoo…I just haven’t figured out where yet…suggestions?