Friday, January 28, 2005

Because Bruce likes it...

...and because I've nothing else left to say.

I’ve only been in one real fight, my freshman year of high school, and I wasn’t the instigator. I’ve read Catcher in the Rye seven times, The Bell Jar, five, If on a Winter’s Night a Traveler, four and The Stranger three. Sometimes I try to hard too not act like “a girl.” I grossly overuse commas. I don’t argue. I hate mayonnaise. I once downed five shots of Apple Pucker prior to a Spanish presentation, just because I was nervous. I love going to the dentist. My color quiz results claim that I “demand that ideas and emotions merge and blend perfectly. Refuse to make any concessions or to accept any compromises.” I don’t necessarily agree with that. My hair grows really fast. I use teaspoons for everything. I was terrified of Santa as a child. I can’t stand to watch more than thirty minutes of television at a time. I dated a guy that went by the name of ’Snoop.’ He took me to Chuck E Cheese far too often. Is it wrong to find Eddie Izzard attractive? I used to be jealous of my brother. I want people to envy me as much as I envy them, just to add some sort of balance. I like to think that should I ever meet Donald Trump I’d give him a good, hard slap across his pretentious face. I still think Jimmy Fallen is hot. I tried to memorize every country and it’s capital alphabetically, but gave up somewhere around the Dominican Republic. As bored as I may be, I will never resort to watching Murder She Wrote. I tried to sell Girl Scout cookies to a lady in my neighborhood, hella long time ago…she refused, something about Jenny Craig. A week later she was arrested for crystal meth production. Don’t come near me and Trivial Pursuit. I still recite the alphabet for the order of letters. I have a terrible dating record. Right now I’d kill for a window seat and a rainy day. I say I wasn’t influenced by the Blair Witch Project, and I honestly don’t find it that daunting, but I’m wary to go camping. I can tell the difference between Pepsi and Coke. One sucks. I recite the ‘Hail Mary’ when ambulances pass, even though I’m no longer Catholic. I can give you a tour of the US Capitol Building, but even I can no longer distinguish between which facts are truly factual and which were created, largely by myself and Bellin, for the sole purpose of entertainment. People don’t care about the truth, they just want to laugh. I want to win at Risk, just once, that’s all I ask. I have a long list of people I’d like to tell to fuck off. I pick apart sandwiches. I own three pairs of red tennis shoes…something oddly offbeat and alluring about them. I once walked in on my aunt naked, though I think I was only about seven…I’ve never told anyone that. (Holy fuck, when do I stop?) I can’t top that. I can’t outdo myself.

Okay, now somebody follow my lead and do the same. Write a post, leave a comment, if you're not ready to sink to new all-time lows on the public humiliation scale, shoot me an email: Don't laugh, it's a Doors song. And we all know how cool The Doors are. Not to mention, Jim Morrison is "sex on a stick" according to VH1, which is perhaps why VH1 sucks. Besides, that's just the email I use for porn anyway. JK...or am I? Ciao dudes.


Blogger Brian said...

Hmm ... I'm curious now which you prefer, Coke or Pepsi. I prefer Pepsi to Coke in America, but Coke to Pepsi in Britain. And since being converted, I prefer Diet Coke to either of them. I never thought I would be able to tolerate Diet Coke, much less enjoy it, and that particular fact makes me feel terribly old. I don't usually read books more than once, because I feel too much guilt over all the important books I have yet to read. I'm loathe to admit the exceptions, because you might think me more a geek than you already do. I'm also curious who won your fight. The last time I played Trivial Pursuit was with the other resident tutors, and most of the engineers and scientists sat agape in witness of the intellectual grudge match between me and the ex. For reasons that aren't entirely clear, I'm best at the Science and Nature questions; for reasons that are more obvious, I'm absolutely rubbish at the Sports and Leisure questions, especially if they start, "Which cricketer" or "which snooker player". But I suppose that's my fault for owning the British version. I once decided to stop dating a girl when she disappointed me by not taking her boardgames seriously enough: We were playing a game similar to Risk, and after a particularly devastating defeat, she remarked "they're just little plastic men". I knew after that, I just couldn't respect her anymore. I'm ashamed to admit that both Henry Miller and Anais Nin are among the authors whose work I have yet to read. I saw the latter's Spy in the House of Love at the bookstore the other day and nearly bought it. I figure, if Jim liked it, it can't be too bad; of course, that's a prescription for drug abuse and an early death if I've ever heard one. Ever since watching her appearance on The Daily Show, I've had a bit of a thing for Janeane Garofalo. And although I knew according to the rules of Italian pronunciation that pistachio should be pronounced with a /k/ rather than a /sh/ sound, I just couldn't bring myself to believe that the whole of the English speaking world had gotten it so badly wrong until a gelato vender atop the Spanish Steps set me straight. Anyhow, I hope you're having a great weekend. Talk to you on Monday ...

5:19 AM  
Blogger Byagi said...

This is great. No one else I've read does this, and it just seems so...right. I'm going to do this over the weekend. It's my turn to do it since you got it started. I'm curious how the Spanish presentation went. That sounds like an interesting story. Do you ever write stories? You should.

11:48 AM  
Blogger chad said...

I accept the dare, but - being it my birthday I can missuse puntuation and have spelling errors - but! I tell you this, I shall follow suit, It just may take me a while to sober up.

4:51 AM  
Blogger chad said...

I always try and follow through with a dare, and I give them out only when I want them to happen (I have given two out in the past month, one followed through, one did not). Thus, when I read the following, I had to do it, it may not be an “all time low”, but an effort nonetheless.

I’ve wanted to be Peter Pan for as long as I can remember. I never liked the Peter Pan Brand Peanut butter… I don’t know why – maybe because it was too expensive to buy and I was jealous of other kids that could have it. I only ran away twice – once I was just hiding in a crawl space (I think I did something wrong – but I was there for a few hours) and the other time was before I knew how to write well – I found a picture of myself and wrote, “peter” and an arrow to tell that I had left. My family has the most caring people I know. I very rarely do things (consciously) for the sole reason of impressing someone – but when I DO – wow. I’ve always wanted to do “too much” – I took too many classes in high school and college, I did too many extracurricular activities (they conflicted), and now when it is all up to me I don’t know what to do. I like a 70-30 ratio for being around others (70% with others) – it makes me a healthier human. The last two weeks have been 40-60. Next week should be back to 70-30. I have hated one person for the sole reason that he was too much like me. I am a terrible speller – if my spelling is correct it means I am using the spell-as-you-go-checker. I am an ENTP in the myers-briggs test thingy – I think that was pretty close to what I thought/think I am – but I forgot what it means. I really, really miss seeing water in the city – I live on an island and never see the water. I don’t think people should look to celebrities for advice, but I think all celebrities should have a cause they care about, give money to, and tell others about… why not? Britney Spears is trash. Sexy trash. No matter how much “fun” there is in monopoly, it is only fun if everyone really wants to win. I can’t stand bad grammar – the spoken kind – I write and like to read like it sounds inside my head. I can just about draw all 50 states, sometimes I miss one and the southwest never looks right. I miss Saturday morning cartoons in front of the TV with my honeynut cheerios on the tv tray in a room that smelled like warm butter. I have a really good ear but not very good pitch – I can only critic singing – and as beckett taught us > being a critic is the lowest insult one can sling. I have only broken one bone… twice… in my right pointer finger – the only thing I would ever change in my body with surgery. It is really hard for me to ask for help. I love taking the ice out of the tray but I hate refilling them. I put m&ms under my tongue to melt them – sometimes for minutes. I don’t like amplification, I prefer small café concerts to large ones, I hate that broadway theaters all need to be miked, I would rather listen to someone use their voice than a mic… what did they used to do 100 years ago? We wonder why we are so fat. I’m trying to think of something I’ve never told anyone… … I’ll get back to you on that one.

1:46 AM  

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