Adieu
So this is me: saying goodbye, wishing you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, biting my lip in that awkwardly stupid way, donning my black polish and sprained wrist, staring off into the distance, looking like a deer caught in headlights, apologizing for lack of Christmas cards this year, wondering why I still haven't packed, contemplating the discernible differences between Zen and nihilism, wearing pink (who knew,) negating the practicality of zazen, awaiting a six hour flight to Bangkok, attempting to contrive an adequate means to tell you how much I'll miss you. This is me...failing. I seem to be good at that.
I don't want to leave you with nothing, or, with the above, for two plus weeks, so I'll leave you with this...it requires your participation as well. Feel free to ignore, to scrap and post your own story about drunken mishaps with Asian midgets and squirrels inadvertently set on fire, to answer at random, to tell me how much you miss me, or to leave suggestions for next time I play 'Never have I ever' (I always suck at that.)
1. Tell me a story. I'll tell you a story. One time...in Cadiz...I got plastered on the steps of a cathedral and "allegedly" bought illegal substances from some guy I shall never remember because I was long since incoherent. I then proceeded to steal someone's hat, make a complete fool of myself in an alley, attempt inebriated Spanish (and suceed) and outsmart transportation officials by sneaking onto a train. Oh, and I may or may not have puked on the person sitting next to me. So they left. And someone else came and took their seat, and Brandon puked on them. And then I was hungover for 72 hours and my senora slapped me for being a "Marta." I curse the day Captain Morgan was born!
2. Leave me a Family Guy quote. I've got one for you.
Lois Griffin: What's going on?
Stewie Griffin: We're playing house.
Lois Griffin: The boy is all tied up.
Stewie Griffin: Roman Polanski's house.
(Okay, so not fantastic...but Polanski jokes are always in good taste.)
3. Tell me why they call it the Civil War? Is that not a tad degrading to the word civil?
4. Tell me your nickname(s). Mine's obvious...Hoagie. Or Laurenzo, though pretty much just Scheid calls me that.
5. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? I've been handcuffed, in the back of a cop car, but for reasons I'm not sure I should be explaining. I was almost arrested once, for tampering with a dorm fire alarm...but it wasn't intentional...I was attempting to cook. And that never works.
6. True or False. 7UP is the illegitimate offspring of Sprite and a whole lotta carbonation.
7. What are you listening to...right now? I'm listening to my Japanese language cds...I really hope yours tops mine.
8. Leave me something to write about, some bit of inspiration, some topic, some motivation. Anything to cure my writers-block-for-those-who-are-not-technically-writers-but-make-a-pitiful-attempt-anyhow.
I'm spent. Take care one and all. I'll be back sometime in January. Don't forget about me.
I don't want to leave you with nothing, or, with the above, for two plus weeks, so I'll leave you with this...it requires your participation as well. Feel free to ignore, to scrap and post your own story about drunken mishaps with Asian midgets and squirrels inadvertently set on fire, to answer at random, to tell me how much you miss me, or to leave suggestions for next time I play 'Never have I ever' (I always suck at that.)
1. Tell me a story. I'll tell you a story. One time...in Cadiz...I got plastered on the steps of a cathedral and "allegedly" bought illegal substances from some guy I shall never remember because I was long since incoherent. I then proceeded to steal someone's hat, make a complete fool of myself in an alley, attempt inebriated Spanish (and suceed) and outsmart transportation officials by sneaking onto a train. Oh, and I may or may not have puked on the person sitting next to me. So they left. And someone else came and took their seat, and Brandon puked on them. And then I was hungover for 72 hours and my senora slapped me for being a "Marta." I curse the day Captain Morgan was born!
2. Leave me a Family Guy quote. I've got one for you.
Lois Griffin: What's going on?
Stewie Griffin: We're playing house.
Lois Griffin: The boy is all tied up.
Stewie Griffin: Roman Polanski's house.
(Okay, so not fantastic...but Polanski jokes are always in good taste.)
3. Tell me why they call it the Civil War? Is that not a tad degrading to the word civil?
4. Tell me your nickname(s). Mine's obvious...Hoagie. Or Laurenzo, though pretty much just Scheid calls me that.
5. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? I've been handcuffed, in the back of a cop car, but for reasons I'm not sure I should be explaining. I was almost arrested once, for tampering with a dorm fire alarm...but it wasn't intentional...I was attempting to cook. And that never works.
6. True or False. 7UP is the illegitimate offspring of Sprite and a whole lotta carbonation.
7. What are you listening to...right now? I'm listening to my Japanese language cds...I really hope yours tops mine.
8. Leave me something to write about, some bit of inspiration, some topic, some motivation. Anything to cure my writers-block-for-those-who-are-not-technically-writers-but-make-a-pitiful-attempt-anyhow.
I'm spent. Take care one and all. I'll be back sometime in January. Don't forget about me.
posted by Chishiki Lauren at 1:47 AM
7 Comments:
1) I think I've nearly exhausted all the tales of my redneck family: my dad stalking my mother with two Japanese exchange students in tow, my mom marrying a man my sister used to date before my sister realised she was gay, my dad impaling a five-and-a-half-foot snake on the side of our mobile home, my tales of having been in a fundamentalist cult ... the whole of my Jerry Springer life, really. I did once chase off a bike thief whom I overheard while I was sleeping on the couch, nursing a serious hangover, and wearing nothing but Curious George boxer shorts. Does that count as a story?
2) Stewie: "Oh Cupid, hast thou pierced me with thine sweet-searing arrow. Stomach, cease thy lustful quake ... Arghh! unhand me woman! I don't have gas, I'm in love! *burp* Well then, I guess it's both ..."
3) As far as I can tell from the OED, the Latin word civilis, "of or pertaining to citizens", had long denoted both the citizens of a community (as opposed to barbarous foreigners among them) as well as the associated attributes of "citizen-like, polite, courteous, urbane". The word, however, was introduced first into English only in the former sense and later acquired the latter meanings to a limited extent. So the phrase civil war or its equivalents actually precedes the use of civil in English as "polite or courteous in behaviour". According to the OED, the earliest reference to civil war occurs in a line by Trevisa in 1387, in which he refers to "a batayle ciuile". The word only appears to denote diverse attributes such as "polite", "humane", or "well-bred" later in the sixteenth- and seventeenth-centuries, and of these, only "polite" has remained current. Though I imagine you were looking for an answer a bit wittier and slightly less academic ...
4) None at the moment, not that I know of, anyway. My friends used to call me "Veen", because it was on the license plate of my 74' Superbeetle, which I had bought from my sister, who in turn was also called "Veen" on account of our surname obviously, but also because there were two Shelly's on her high-school soccer team and they called her "Veen" to keep them straight. Oh, and my friend Kathy sometimes addresses me as "my charming Mr VanderVeen" for reasons which I believe are lost in antiquity ...
5) Nothing apart from speeding and failure to yield, though I did tell you the story about being held at gunpoint by misguided police who thought I was my father against whom my mother had a restraining order.
6) False. 7UP was first invented in 1929 when it appeared under the name "Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda". In 1936, the name was changed to "7UP" (Good decision I should think). Sprite, however, appeared much later in 1961, so I imagine if there is some illegitimate parentage going on here, that Sprite is actually the bastard child of 7UP and profuse amounts of high-fructose corn syrup.
7) "Over the Hills and Far Away" from my illegally downloaded Led Zeppelin box set. I'm still trying to figure out my own top three Zeppelin songs, which I think I've narrowed down, in no particular order, to "Celebration Day", "Travelling Riverside Blues", and "Hey, Hey, What Can I Do?".
8) A topic for contemplation ... True or False: All things, whether persons or objects, are rightly thought of as process rather than substance. The idea of an enduring nature or self is merely illusory.
Anyhow, I'm not sure you really expected anyone to respond to all eight, but I now have so little to do in your absence besides watching endless hours of Family Guy and trying to finish this damnable PhD. Well, so much for day one of the next two-and-a-half weeks. Now I need to find something else to keep me occupied. I hope you enjoy your X-mas on elephant back. I'll be thinking of you on New Years ...
And now you're gone for who knows how long, and I feel like I need to think about past stories in order to come up with something good. I've been trying for the last two days - to no avail. I KNOW I have stories that are very fitting, I just cant think. Is it the holidays? Maybe.
I'll keep trying to think.
I'll leave a few for now and come back when I don't need to be looking so productive...
FG quote:
Peter Griffin: Don't worry Lois. I'll handle this. I read a book about this kind of thing once.
Brian Griffin: Are you sure it was in a book? Are you sure it wasn't... nothing?
Nickname:
So I've had a few nicknames from time to time...mostly the ones from college have stuck. Growing up my half-brothers called me Egon (from ghostbusters) ...because I watched Mr. Wizard I suppose. And in middle school my soccer teammates called me Gumby because I would put my legs behind my head and walk around on my hands...in highschool I didn't really have a nickname. In college things changed. I joined a fraternity and was dubbed Shaggy. I guess a tall thin kid with bushy hair and a goatee fits the description pretty well. It was ironic once when I was in New York at a comedy club that the comedian was ripping on people in the crowd and pointed me out "Look at that stoner...he must have just walked off the Scooby Do lot...now you know he's got weed in his socks." Along with Shaggy I also got pegged with Slim Shady. This comes from the time I stumbled drunkenly through my freshmen hall and stole everyone's lampshade. I was a bit confused in the morning when I opened my closet to a horde of lampshades. Shag-e and Shad-e were used interchangeable and it wasn't until Jennifer Lopez started going by J.Lo that my new name came. The kids started calling our school president J.Ro (judy rodin) and the trend was set. I had these thick framed glasses that made me look sorta like Rivers Cuomo and that's how I became e.mo.
Oh, Liz, it wasn't ouzo, was it? Tastes like aniseed? That stuff's deadly ... My Turkish flatmate a few years ago introduced me to his country's own version. His first comment, in broken English, was "Add a bit of water. We sell this stuff to the Russians: They don't mix it with water properly and it makes them go blind." That should have been the first warning sign ... A half-litre later and I still can't stand the taste of black licorice ...
hey hoagie-I know you won't see this most likely for a couple of weeks while you and Dre are off exploring Asia and creating chaos;)Have fun and take lots of pictures as usual!
I am home in Lex done with college-holla-I will email you my crazy last week of college lets just say drinking a whole fifth of Goldschlagger(?) always makes an interesting night...yes I will now despise cinnamon for the rest of my life due to this...
Miss ya and I will leave answers to your questions later after I unpack the past 4.5 years of my life the next couple of days...
1. Two years ago, I rolled my car down the hill in our backyard. Fortunately, the car hit a tree before it completed the long journey down the hill into the pond. That was Thanksgiving day, moments before my extended family showed up and frantically began scratching their heads.
2. Brian: Hola, me llamo es Brian ... Nosotros caramos ir condustedes.. uhhhh ...
Bellboy(Spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just me llamo Brian.
Brian: Oh, oh you speak English
Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You .... you're kidding me, right?
Bellboy(Spanish): Que?
3. The Civil War never happened. We all know that.
4. My nicknames have ranged from Hotchocolatescott, Carmo, Scottydo, and Sasquatch.
5. I have never been convicted of a crime, but have been yelled at by various Police. Apparently, there were some "redneck motherfuckers who wouldn't hesitate to shoot us" near where we were.
6. I like Sprite, and will prefer it every time to 7UP.
7. I'm listening to my brother work on his turn table. He's getting the second one for Christmas.
I know it's been said before, but I'm going to make sure you fill us in with all the details of your journeys.
Peter Griffin: "As we all know Christmas time is that mystical time of year when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feed on the flesh of the living. So we all sing Christmas carols to lull him back to sleep ..."
Well, I know you won't read this until after you get back, Lauren, but I have about ten minutes of Christmas left here in the UK to drop you another Family Guy quote and wish a merry Christmas to you and to all your fans here. Take care, everyone. And Lauren, I miss you like mad ...
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