Define 'missing'

I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Philly. I'm the girl who doesn't match and occasionally bobs her head to inaudible music. With blue shoes, red nails, a shiny laptop and a huge vanilla latte. Now you know. My boyfriend also knows where I am. My parents know where I am. The strangers next to me know where I am. That guy in the wheelchair that almost rolled me over on the way here knows where I am. In fact, the only people who can't find me are the Philadelphia police, who believe me to currently be missing. Join me in a ehhhhhhhh? I honestly don't mind if the police can't find me. In fact, I think I prefer it that way. Call me crazy. They phoned my cell to ask where I was. Again....ehhhhhh? And then....and THEN, when I phone back to clear up the mess the only person in the entire department that is involved with my case (REALLY? Only one guy?!?!?) has left early for the day. Sooooooo, I shall remain "missing" for one more day.

And so, Detective Dodson, of the Philadelphia metro police, I am, fortunately, not missing...and I'm on to you. This is all just some elaborate porn scam, isn't it? Those always find me. I don't know how. Still, it's amusing...mildly. Therefore I will not complain. Unless it's not a porn scam and you're just a dumbass...then I shall complain, oh yes, I shall complain.