Provisionally living when I should be living vicariously through myself
Liz and Alastair got me thinking, Che got me thinking, or maybe I was in the process of thinking when they entered.
I want to do something great. Something challenging, something that forces me to realize I’m alive because it brings my mere existence into perspective. I may be living, but it means nothing to me. I’m surrounded by affluence, by stability, by falsities-for this is not what 95% of the world consists of.
A friend told me yesterday that she admired my pursuits, my experiences, and would never have the courage to do so herself. I’ve heard this several times. And it’s great, I love to hear that someone out there admires my lifestyle. But the truth is, Japan isn’t a phenomenal journey, it’s not what I’m looking for. To some it may seem courageous, and I admit I had my doubts/fears, but accepting those fears and following through anyway is the highlight. I leapt, and I regret nothing. I have enjoyed my time immensely. It’s a gorgeous country. I’ve met people, explored cities, learned the culture and a miniscule portion of the language. There have been struggles, but overcoming them has been half of the challenge, adapting, learning, growing as a person. I’ve been frustrated, and at times upset. But I’ve realized that you change locations a thousand times, you can’t change people. Assholes exist in every possible realm of the earth, and possibly even beyond, I must accept them and their actions with a grain of salt, and move on.
Liz told me, “If this is going to be the rest of my life, I don’t want it.” Immortal, classic. I couldn’t agree more. The purpose of living is to live, completely, unrestricted, adventurously, testing the limits. I want an adventure to recount for the rest of my life. I want to tell people what I’ve done and see the shock value in their faces. I want to do something unexpected of me.
Alastair rode his bike across five continents, fifty countries, in five years. He embarked on an unfathomable journey most believed to be impossible. They saw a skinny, white British kid, with vague notions of reality and a naivety common only to toddlers. But he did it, he proved them wrong. And I couldn’t be more jealous. But now it’s been done, limiting the innovative, avant-garde options. What is left for me? And who’s going with me?
Crossing the globe would be a perfect fit for my attention span. I like living in phases, it’s like living in moments. Free to roam about the cabin. Experiencing everything all at once, then traveling on to new experiences. But what’s my gimmick?
I want to do something great. Something challenging, something that forces me to realize I’m alive because it brings my mere existence into perspective. I may be living, but it means nothing to me. I’m surrounded by affluence, by stability, by falsities-for this is not what 95% of the world consists of.
A friend told me yesterday that she admired my pursuits, my experiences, and would never have the courage to do so herself. I’ve heard this several times. And it’s great, I love to hear that someone out there admires my lifestyle. But the truth is, Japan isn’t a phenomenal journey, it’s not what I’m looking for. To some it may seem courageous, and I admit I had my doubts/fears, but accepting those fears and following through anyway is the highlight. I leapt, and I regret nothing. I have enjoyed my time immensely. It’s a gorgeous country. I’ve met people, explored cities, learned the culture and a miniscule portion of the language. There have been struggles, but overcoming them has been half of the challenge, adapting, learning, growing as a person. I’ve been frustrated, and at times upset. But I’ve realized that you change locations a thousand times, you can’t change people. Assholes exist in every possible realm of the earth, and possibly even beyond, I must accept them and their actions with a grain of salt, and move on.
Liz told me, “If this is going to be the rest of my life, I don’t want it.” Immortal, classic. I couldn’t agree more. The purpose of living is to live, completely, unrestricted, adventurously, testing the limits. I want an adventure to recount for the rest of my life. I want to tell people what I’ve done and see the shock value in their faces. I want to do something unexpected of me.
Alastair rode his bike across five continents, fifty countries, in five years. He embarked on an unfathomable journey most believed to be impossible. They saw a skinny, white British kid, with vague notions of reality and a naivety common only to toddlers. But he did it, he proved them wrong. And I couldn’t be more jealous. But now it’s been done, limiting the innovative, avant-garde options. What is left for me? And who’s going with me?
Crossing the globe would be a perfect fit for my attention span. I like living in phases, it’s like living in moments. Free to roam about the cabin. Experiencing everything all at once, then traveling on to new experiences. But what’s my gimmick?
posted by Chishiki Lauren at 12:07 AM
3 Comments:
Hoagie-
I can neither keep up with you in space or time
let alone word or thought, measure or rhyme
But let's re-think this talk of life
Or you just might end up a salesman's wife
You have the point but not the process
The reason for life is living
and how you live matters
But endlessly pursuing sensations is life wasted on novelty. It's important how you appreciate life's experiences, not merely thirsting for quantity but instead enjoying the quality.
Therefore you can make every sensation in life full of quality. For some, biking through five countries is an accomplishment deserving respect but it's up to the rider to determine it's quality. I can appreciate a cup of warm tea in a rocking chair out in the sun with the same degree of bliss one might receive from climbing a mountain. If you can fully appreciate the opportunity of experiences that life gives you, no matter the experience, then I believe that is a life worth living.
You said you like phases, quote "moments." Then go on and enjoy every moment for what it is: a new experience. Don't stress yourself over finding the next high...
If life = precious
and moments = life
...
Then you do the math.
If that's what you want to do, Lauren, then go for it. There's certainly a value to travelling that lies beyond the mere accumulation of experiences: Encountering other cultures challenges your basic paradigms of cultural understanding. Travel allows you to see that what you may have deemed natural, normal, or obvious is merely a cultural construct, one that you've taken on unknowingly and accepted as absolute. But make sure that whatever you choose to do, that you're doing it for your own personal growth, not merely to accumulate impressive stories, because therein lies a potential trap: There will always be someone else who has done just a little bit more, someone who's pushed the limits just a little bit farther, and the quest to impress can end up being endless and futile. I'm learning that myself. Besides, a good nine-tenths of the world would already be impressed by what you've accomplished, and the other tenth aren't likely to be impressed by anything. And Eian has a point too. There's the danger of being the perpetual tourist, of going everywhere, but truly being nowhere. And ultimately, the terrain we explore as we travel is not the earth's but that of our own selves. That being said, all the best to you! And please forgive the presumption of advice given by someone you only know as a black-and-white bitmap and a few random thoughts on a webpage.
Brian, I value your advice. To clarify, the only person I care to impress is myself, and so far, I've taken the path surrounded by a safety net. I want to look back on my life when I'm ___ (insert old age, I don't dare presume the length of my life) and say, "Holy shit. I rode an elephant through the Thai jungle on Christmas, I befriended an entire school of elementary students despite a language barrier, I camped with a Chilean family in the Andes and wound up sharing a tent. I lived."
I don't know, maybe I am chasing down a high, but I don't take it for granted. I know every moment is what you make of it...so I want to make the moments worthwhile. I simply want a challenge, an experience that will last me a lifetime.
Post a Comment
<< Home